Future Oh Future…

By The Gorgeous Palah Chingu.

For Illustrative Purpose Only ;P
For Illustrative Purpose Only ;P

While everybody keep themselves busy with their work and study, I am contemplating whether I wanted to further my study or to work (seeking experience and etc.).  Coming from a middle class family, I always am petrified over the conception of materialism and how it placed higher than what I wanted to do. Don’t get me wrong, money is important. Nobody can survive without money (In certain rare cases, there are some who survive without it). Well, in my case it is utterly impossible given the fact that I love to travel and spending my money on coffees, movies and foods. Here I am, being useless, not working at all and have to listen many people babbling to me about what a waste of time I didn’t do any anything at all. They told me I would have lots of money if I decided to work after getting my bachelor degree instead of furthering my study in master degree. I don’t know how to answer this question? Getting master degree was always my aim initially. It was always part of my dream, now that I have it, I can scratch it off my plan list.

 Now that I have master degree, they started asking me how much amount of salary will be offered with my education qualification. Man, I wish I don’t have to respond to that question. The fact that master degree still being paid the same amount to those who had bachelor degree is something I can’t change. Not that I wanted to complain about the pay rate, but I don’t want to give them the satisfaction that they are right. To their thinking ‘I am just wasting my time doing master degree and nothing good came out of it’. I really cant stand that. My parents are very easygoing about what I wanted to do and they give me a freedom to do so. For that I am very thankful. However, when people keep asking them when their daughter will get a job or what is your daughter’s job; I know it annoys them also.

 I wanted to be a teacher or lecturer or academician for a long time. For me, it is a job where I can inspire people and be inspired. However, all I get after finishing my master was how much money I would make or what kind of job I would take. Of course I told my parents I wanted to be a lecturer. I love to learn and share knowledge with others on that matter. I always am passionate about education and knowledge. However, that dream somehow seems so far and almost unattainable. I am not giving up (totally), mind you but you know that feeling when you are turned down so many times, you felt ‘that’s it; I am not going to do it anymore’. That’s exactly how I felt right now. Maybe I should start digging my old boxes looking for my past notes and articles. Maybe I should contact my lecturers at my previous university asking him or her to assist me in doing my proposal for my PhD. Maybe I should stop doing nothing and start doing something for my PhD.

I have been unemployed for almost 4 months and it seems nobody would hire me because of lack in experience. I don’t know what to expect from this. I just graduated and after, going through all jobs hunting process and seeking a job that did not put working experience as one of job requirement is very painful. Working experience is a vital element in searching for the right job. In my opinion, they should make a vacancy separated from 2 categories, Fresh Graduate and those who had working experience. While I’m in this unemployment phase, there are lots of people asking me why don’t you just work at anywhere, gain experience somehow for certain amount of time and after that, try to apply lecturer job with that working experience. As much as I wanted to love the idea, I don’t. I just dont want to risk it and get stuck at it.

I even said to one of my best friends, I don’t mind getting paid for a small amount of money if I get to do something that I love. Yes, money is a big deal but I would like to put my interest first in this matter. I am exhausted answering people question about job, future especially ‘when are you going to start working, when are you this, when are you that… well shut the fuck up! I wish I could say that right on their face. I was raised in the society where I have to respect elder people no matter how awful they are has always been in my tradition. Thus, saying shut the fuck up is not an option I have. Instead, I have to smile and faking my laugh when people ask that irritating questions. It is act of decency and courteousness, they said.

Am I being picky or selective? I am sure many will say I am being picky but I just wanted to do something that I love. That is all. I can imagine how mundane life could be if you are doing something you don’t love and unfortunately, you have to do it for the rest of life. I can’t picture that in my life. I really can’t. Sorry for posting this so blatantly, I just wanted some medium to get this feeling off my chest.


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