Total Siyapaa (2014) : Bollywood Movie Review

By The Gorgeous Palah

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My Rating: 3/5

Total Siyapaa not doing really well in India’s Box office is not a surprising matter if you done watching this movie. There are many loopholes in the story and the plot somehow is less intact. If you are not Ali Zafar’s fans, you are not going to able to watch it until the end. Ali Zafar makes this film bearable to watch it though Kirron Kher’s Performance is loved by many critics. Yami Gautam and Ali Zafar are under fire for not performing really well in this film. I agreed with them because Ali Zafar and Yami Gautam could have done better. To be honest, there is no chemistry between them. When Ali Zafar announced Total siyapaa would be his next project, I could not wait for 2013 to be over just so I could watch this film. If you knew the story about Indian girl and Pakistani Boy, you would know it would be overdramatic and cliché, I must say. However, those who have been his fans also knew that Ali Zafar’s strength would be in Romantic Comedy Film. Total Siyapaa is expected to be a massive hit like chasme buddoor, Mere brother ki dulhan or Tere Bin Laden by his fans (including myself).

Ali Zafar as 'Aman'
Ali Zafar as ‘Aman’
Yami Gautam As 'Asha'
Yami Gautam As ‘Asha’

The story begins with Aman came to London to meet Asha’s family. They agreed to meet somewhere first so they could sort out everything. However, things did not go well when Aman is being followed by a police as he suspected Aman to be a terrorist. When Aman being detained, Asha was furious and wanted to lodge the complaint for unlawful detention. Aman, then being released and asked Asha to postpone the whole family meetings. Aman felt it is a bad sign to meet them that day since him being detained by the police in the morning. Asha insisted and dismissed Aman’s superstitiousness. Before Aman and Asha arrived, things at Asha’s home are a bit chaotic. Asha’s mom is a typical Punjabi mom and can be very loud sometimes; Asha’s older sister who is married but splitted with her husband due to some minor problems, Asha’s younger brother who is hot headed and always complained about problem caused by their Pakistani neighbor and Asha’s blind and forgetful grandfather.

When Asha told her mom that Aman is from Pakistan.
When Asha told her mom that Aman is from Pakistan.
Asha assures Aman everything will be okay
Asha assures Aman everything will be okay

Asha should have told Aman earlier how was her mom and her siblings so that Aman knew what he will be facing. Since Asha asked Aman just to trust her, Aman didn’t expected that Asha’s house filled with crazy people. He shuts his mouth and endures the whole meeting until Asha’s mom asked which part of India, Aman came from. That was the button start of the whole problem. Her family knew Asha would bring back a Muslim boy. They are okay with it since love knows no boundary and Asha’s happiness is their priority. However, after they knew Aman from Pakistan, Asha’s mom burst out and exploded. She can handle a Muslim as her son in law but she can’t accept that Aman is from Pakistan. Asha’s mom afraid that Aman will get married more than 1, Asha will be forced to change his religion or how their children’s religion will be determined if they did get married. Asha assured her mom that nothing will happen since Aman is a liberal and open minded Muslim guy. He does not believe in polygamy and will let their kids choose their own religion when the right time comes. Well, it can only be in the story. If you married a guy or a girl with different religion from you, there are many problems you have to encounter and sometimes it takes toll on your relationship.

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While Asha and her mom discussed the relationship matter, Aman excused himself and went to a kitchen. He wanted to reheat the frozen soup but somehow the soup pot slipped from Aman’s hand and hit the pedestarian who walked near the neighborhood at night. Aman panicked and didn’t know what to do. He went down to help the guy but Asha forbids him to do it. Asha’s afraid that Aman will be detained for being a potential killer and it will do no good to her. Asha called an ambulance as an anonymous tip and dragged Aman back into the house. Aman felt uncomfortable and wanted to get a fresh air. Suddenly, he saw Asha’s family picture on the wall. He knows the person who has been hit by the soup pot is Asha’s father. Things get complicated when Asha’s sister speculates to Asha that their father was having an affair and that’s why he always come back home late. There are so many incidents happened at one night and it did test whether the relationship and love that Aman and Asha have is strong enough or not. It supposed to be funny but somehow, it failed to grasp the essence of humor and you are left to wonder when the film is going to end since you have lost interest already in the first 30 minutes.

total 4

Ali Zafar is known as the Pop Prince in Pakistan. He penned and composed majority of the songs in this movie. My favorite would be Nahi Maloom, Total Siyapaa and Palat Meri Jaan. Ali Zafar’s manly voice is soothing and very relaxing. Total Siyapaa has a bit comedy in it since it’s a theme song. Siyapaa means chaos in Hindi. Ali stressed in his lyrics that though all of her family members is crazy, but he can accept it since he loves her. That why he described Asha’s love in the song is total siyapaa (total chaos). Overall, it is watchable if you are fans of Ali Zafar and Yami gautam. If not, you will be feeling dreadful and regretted why you choose to watch it in the first place.

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Movies that I Repeatedly Watch

By The Gorgeous Palah Chingu

I wanted to do this list for a long time and I am kind of waiting for the right moment to do it.  The list of movies I repeatedly watch and still touched my heart deeply and makes me laughed and cried (even I watched it for so many times).

12. Mere Brother Ki Dulhan (2011)

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My Rating: 3.5/5

I usually will not repeat any of romantic comedy films because I find them too generic. There are so many recycled scenes in that kind of films until today and somehow, they will end up with happy ending. To say Mere Brother Ki Dulhan is different would be a terrible lie. This film offered a similar message of love in much happy description and a bit unrealistic. However, I can watch it for so many times because of Ali Zafar’s priceless expression in this film. It is so comical that I always laugh when those particular scenes appeared.

11. Yeh Jawaani Hai Deewani (2012)

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My Rating: 3.5/5

After the bad breakup between Deepika Padukone and Ranbir Kapoor, I am not sure whether they are going to work opposite of each other in any film. There are some actresses who dated co-star but does not want to do anything with them right after the relationship went wrong. When Karan Johar decided to produce this film, I was like ‘what?’ how the hell are they going to do a film together after so much controversial especially in Koffee with Karan episodes involves in bashing Ranbir, the deepika’s tattoo news and so many gossips heated between them. Maybe they are going to ignore all of that, let bygones be bygones and stick to being professional. After watching this film, I was awestruck by it. In fact, the chemistry between them still strong in this film is amazing. Maybe the plot is a little bit cliché and a classic Karan Johar kind of film, but still, hands down to Deepika and Ranbir.

10. Salaam E Ishq ( 2007)

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My Rating: 3.8/5

The compilation of love story in the movie is brilliant. From the problem of different religion, middle age crisis, commitment phobic and career over love, all of this has been put together into this film very well by Nikhil Advani. Upon reading the critical reception of this film, I was puzzled. Why nobody like this film? Yeah there is some praise on this film but it still not good enough for this film. I considered this film is a modern interpretation of love story with realistic and sensible of issue that comes along with it. It composed of 6 stories from 6 couples that faced challenge in their love life and how they overcome it.

9. Tere Bin Laden (2010)

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My Rating: 3.8/5

Tere Bin Laden offered a good laugh over the sensitive issue of Bin Laden towards America. The story might be too simple to capture the whole complication of War on Terror and Post effect 9/11 but the jokes in this film is awesome. Ali Zafar as Ali Hassan and his team created chaos and commotion over piece of Osama News that they get hold on from secret source. Little did they know that the foolish action created by them had cause a trigger from America. America then deployed their secret agent to track Osama at Karachi, Pakistan. This is purely entertainment movie with comical satire of war on terror by America.

8. Mangal Pandey: The Rising (2005)

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My Rating: 4/5

To be honest with you guys, I really like Mangal Pandey story. I know that the story line not resembled 100 percent as what was written in history but it was a good try. Some of the scholar said that the rifle issue is so much larger than what is depicted in the film. If the director did not simplify the scene of rifle issue, we may have to watch this film in much longer duration. ‘Mangal Pandey’ who is Indian Sepoy that worked for British East India Company is the main character in this film. He befriended with Captain Gordon as Gordon indebted to him for saving his life in Anglo-Afghan Wars. Their friendship strengthened when Mangal Pandey help Gordon saved Jwala, a young widow who almost performed Sati. Sati is the act of following the dead husband into his death (the wife will be burned together with the deceased husband). When issue of the enfield musket rifle cause the angers among sepoys who are Muslim and Hindu respectively as the process of making it involves things that they are forbidden to consume. When Gordon gives false assurance that the rifle is fine and no such things occurred, Mangal Pandey really put his trust in him and guaranteed his fellow sepoy to do so. However, Mangal Panday felt betrayed by Gordon as the rumor of Enfield musket rifle turned out to be true. This incident led to the event of The Indian Rebellion of 1857.

7. Raajneeti (2010)

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My Rating: 4/5

I really like Arjun Rampal and Ranbir Kapoor character in this film. Katrina kaif in this film might be a bonus (to me especially as her fan) but the intensity of chemistry between Arjun and Ranbir renders me speechless. They (Arjun & Ranbir) combined their forces to avenge their father’s death and to win the election by staging many political tactics towards their opponent. The plot of the story is filled with hatred, vengeance, betrayal and willpower. This is by far, one of the best films that Prakash Jha ever directed. The presence of Ajay Devgan and Manoj Bajpayee as anti-hero characters is so freaking amazing. Enough said, the whole casts of the film including Nana Patekar should be applauded for giving me a very dramatic political thriller film (and trust me, it’s a good one too). You will not be disappointed by it. Besides, I actually like Arjun Rampal and Katrina Kaif paired together (because they are both tall, hot and suits well with each other).

6. OMG Oh My God (2012)

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My Rating: 4/5

For Paresh Rawal and Akshay Kumar to do this kind of film, they are no doubt fearless and have a gut. This movie is provoking (not in a bad way, mind you) but in a way where you should do the thinking. It touched the issue of “GOD” as most people would never try to talk about it as it is sensitive and should not be touched at all. Although it had similar story with ‘the man who sued god’ (2001) but what Umesh Shukla (the director) brings out in this film is the issue of commercialization of religion and the exploitation of money in religion institution. You can sense the strong message that he tried to convey in this film. The additional casts of this film like Om Puri and Mithun ChakraBorty added the flavors in this film. To have IMDB rated this film 8.1/10 and 76% given by the rotten tomatoes website, this film is a must watch film.

5. Vicky Donor (2012)

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My Rating: 4/5

Sperm donation still considered taboo subject in India and some of Asian countries. Ayushman Khurrana marking his debut in such a memorable film as nobody has ever made this kind of film in Bollywood scene before. To touch this sensitive matter, the director said he’s done his research for almost 3 years before completing the film. Although this film is loosely based on one of French film, it has been packed with common bollywood theme such as family and love. Why is it on my list of film I often repeated? I like how Vicky (Ayushman Khurrana) still loves his wife (Ashima) despite of her infertility and unable to produce child. Although he’s indirectly has fathered so many children because of his past as sperm donor and the fact that his wife is barren, he’s not giving her up. When Vicky’s family found out about the sperm donation, he was shunned by his mother for doing so and brought shame upon family. His grandmother on the other hand felt it was noble as Vicky brought joy to parents who incapable to have a child on their own. This film is admirable for its theme and successfully balancing both sad and happy emotion in it.

4. English Vinglish (2012)

English Vinglish (2012) Hindi Mp3 SouthMp3.org

My Rating: 4.25/5

Sri Devi making a comeback via this film is a genius decision. This film is unconventional and had an exceptional plot on its own. The director, Gauri Shinde managed to take us into the real-life experience by her own mother in this film. The main character of this film,Shashi (portrayed by Sri Devi) always find herself being mocked and belittled by her husband and her kids for her inability to speak English. When she had to go to America by herself to help her sister for her niece’s wedding, she was scared. Alone and can’t speak English, she begged her husband to go together so she won’t feel alone but her husband refused to do so. She encounters some unpleasant situation like can’t really enjoy the conversation with her sister’s family and failed to order fast at Coffee Shop due to language barrier. She then decided to take a short course of English language at some language centre to learn Basic English in 4 weeks. Is it possible? Yes, if you have strong determination and work really hard for it. Bollywood rarely made a film that associated on theme of heroine oriented but this one has that element. It may not contain the fighting or bloodbath scenes or masala theme but it is refreshing in its story line and Sri Devi performance for this film is mind blowing.

3. Stanley Ka Dabba (2011)

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My Rating: 4.25/5

This film took me 1 week to get over the effect post watching it. The story is simple but it touched my heart to the core. After watching Taare Zameen Paar, I was browsing the web looking for other movies like Taare Zameen Paar. I stumbled upon the list on IMDB and Stanley Ka Dabba is listed as number one on that list. Knowing that the film got the same director as Taare Zameen Paar, I downloaded it ASAP. You can feel the pure love from the friendship of Stanley and his friends. Stanley got no money at all to buy his lunch and often didn’t bring anything to eat at all during rest hour at school. Sensing Stanley’s problem, his friends often invited him to eat together with them without any hesitation. The conflict arises when one of the teachers in Stanley’s school loves to eat and snoop on student’s lunch box or ‘dabba’ (as in the title).  He knows that Stanley’s friends always invited Stanley over to eat their food and this angers him as he would have no chance at all to taste their food. The lunchbox hunting begins between the teacher and them (Stanley and his friends). Later, the teacher told Stanley to stop coming at school until he can bring his own lunchbox. The issue is not as big as you can see; it is not about corruption or scandal but the lunchbox. However, there are so many heartwarming scenes in this film especially where it concerned of a group of students try to help their hungry friend, when Stanley does not want his friends know about his plight and he lied to them and when he stopped coming to school because he know he can’t afford the lunch box and doesn’t want to burden his friends. I can’t count how many times I cried but man, it really impacted me in some way.

2. 3 Idiots (2009)

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My Rating: 4.5/5

What is more touching than the story of unbreakable friendship, the tireless efforts of chasing the dreams and the bittersweet experiences in college and life? 3 idiots offers all in its film and for those who never watch this film, you should watch it. Whenever I feel down and alone, this is my comfort movie. I will watch it, cry at certain scenes in the film and my spirit will be renewed once the film is over. Aamir Khan as we all know one of the most versatile actors in Bollywood, he can be hero, villain, rebellious lover, fighter, depressed man and we’ve seen he played different roles in the film. Playing a character as a college boy at the age of nearly 40 is unreasonable unless you have that boyish look and it sure is a bonus for Aamir to have that kind of look. Aamir Khan charmed us with his acting and effortlessly plays the role of Chote/ Phunsukh Wangdu/Rachoddas. R. Madhavan and Sharman Joshi both complementing each other in the films as they portrayed as a Ranchoddas’s Friends with opposite behavior and mentality. One with different ambition but stuck in engineering college due to family pressure and for the other one who is truly passionate about engineering but fear of failing and letting down of his family get the best of him. This film is truly entertaining, inspiring and worth watching.

1. Barfi (2012)

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My Rating: 4.5/5

If a person asks me ‘what kind of love do you desire in your life?’ ‘What is your ideal love?’ ‘In your opinion, what constitutes true love?’ And so on about love, honestly speaking I have no idea. I did involve with so called ‘love’ or ‘relationship’ a few years back then, which I think I am not so matured and those moments are past that I wanted to erase. Was it love? Nahhhh..I would call it curiosity or palah’s experimental stage. I still don’t know what love is and I am sure that my obsession towards freaking hot guys is not love. It is what we called momentary lust and somehow, it will go someday. However, to pick a movie that resembles most of my ideal love story, Barfi would fit my description. If you wanted to say Romeo & Juliet or Titanic, go ahead, I’d still say and choose Barfi over those two. The idea of completing each other is so fascinating in the movie. The whole story convinced me that true love does not have to be perfect and our significant others could perfect our imperfection. I lost my counts on how many times I’ve watched this film and still cried at the ending. It’s not about good looking boy and beautiful girl fell in love with each other, it’s tells the story of beautiful relationship of deaf and mute boy with autistic girl. Yeah, there are few of copycat scenes from Charlie Chaplin films but the director did a great job in recreating those scenes. The way Ranbir and Priyanka portrayed Barfi and Jhilmil are so real and somehow led us believe that they are made for each other.

Forever Barfi & Jhilmil!!

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Item Songs/Numbers in Bollywood

By The Gorgeous Palah Chingu

Chikni Chameli
‘Chikni Chameli’ song in Agneepath

I am for once, considered myself as a feminist (mind you, I am more on a beginner level as i am still learning and educate myself about it). I disapproved anything that objectifying women sexually. I hated seeing anything that associate with women subjugation. I read a lot about how women being treated unfairly at certain countries. It is in my deep interest to champion in women education one day and hopefully I can accomplish that before I die.  However, I am facing a dilemma between my deep interests on championing women rights with my liking of item songs. This two does not go well together apparently. Item songs or item numbers apparently has little or no connection with Bollywood films but they are been featured in the film as a marketing strategy to attract more audiences. This is to ensure people watching the film even it is for the sake of item number/girl. When people buy full price ticket just to see item number/girl, You can imagine what usually they sell in it? Of course, they sell the image of a very beautiful girl, wearing seductive clothes showing the voluptuous body and a dance song with an addictive and crazy beats.

Munni Badnam Hui
‘Munni Badnam Hui’ song in Dabangg

This is what I deem as my guilty pleasure. I hate it when I see any advertisement using every inch of women body for the sake of profit. Item numbers are one of the marketing elements in Bollywood industry. I suppose to condemn it but I didn’t. The reason I didn’t is I fucking love Bollywood films. The movies they produced are suits to my taste. Well, if you live in Malaysia and see how Malay movies are made of, you will understand why I rather choose Bollywood. Apparently I am not alone. Ruby loves item songs as much as I did though we did have different taste in music. Fatma might not share our craze on the item numbers but nevertheless, she still loves Bollywood films.

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‘Masha Allah’ Song in Ek Tha Tiger

The first item song I came across is Chikni Chameli. That was the time I have a huge crush on Katrina Kaif. I will sit in the corner, staring at my laptop, ravaging Katrina’s body with my eyes repeatedly until I got bored with it. My second favorite item song is Munni Badnam Hui that featured in Dabangg. Malaika maybe too thin to suits my taste but the song is worthy to replay. I lost my count how many times I listened to it but I really love it. I know it also one of the phenomenal songs in India at the time it was released. Third Item song is MashaAllah in Ek Tha Tiger film. The song kind has an Arabic fusion in it. That’s why I love it and of course again, Katrina Kaif. I just wish that there would be only Katrina Kaif version of MashaAllah. Not that I don’t like Salman Khan, I just wanted Katrina more on screen.

The rest of the list is my favorite item numbers:

kareena-fevicol-se 4) Fevicol se- Dabangg 2

You may like it or you may hate it. It has absurd lyric but i am obsessed with this  song. I even make it as my ringtone. I don’t know why but I guess Sajid and Wajid  really the geniuses in making item songs. They had both element of naughty and  catchy in the song.

157J1810-530x353 5) Allah Duhai Hai – Race 2

The combination of Atif Aslam and Vishal Dhadlani is so powerful. The chorus  part is what makes me addicted to the song.

sawsunny 6) Laila Teri Le Li – Shoot out at wadala

Mika singh make me crazy about this song. Sunny Leone, she can’t dance but  what the heck, she’s gorgeous (and you rarely saw a porn star featured in  bollywood song).

298537-mere-brother-ki-dulhan 7) Do Dhaari thalwar- Mere Brother Ki Dulhan

What I like about this song is how Katrina and imraan chemistry wonderfully  works. Ali zafar also brings out humor as he can’t control his facial expression  when his ex-girlfriend also one of the item girls in the song.

london-paris-new-york-ting-rang-ting 8) Ting Rang – London Paris New York

Ali Zafar might not be hunk enough to be in the typical bollywood’s item song,    but what he had in this song was more than enough.  Bollywood rarely used a guy  as the main character in item songs but there are certain film makers who dare to  defy it and be distinctive.

sheila-jawani-600-140312 9) Sheila Ki Jawaani –Tees Maar Khan

Sheila is the first one that revolutionizes the use of woman’s name in the item  songs. That’s when after Sheila, Munni, Laila and others followed the same  theme. The dance routine in Sheila marked Katrina as one of the item girls in  bollywood

261924,xcitefun-kareena-kapoor-chammak-challo 10) Chammak Challo – Ra One

I’m sure most of you know this song. If you think this song is not addictive, than  surely, you totally had a different genre of music.

For 11-16, I have no comment. I just love the song after I listened to it so I decided to include it in the list.

 dilliwali_girlfriend_136689217311) Dilli Wali Girlfriend – Yeh Jawaani Hai Dewaani

Band-Baaja-Baaraat-2902912) Dum Dum – Band Baaja Baarat

 313) Babuji Dhere Chalna – Salaam e Ishq

Hazel-Keech-couldnt-create-an-impact-wit251013201102394_480x60014) Aa Ante Amala puram

Katrina-Kaif-Dhoom-Machale-Song-Video115) Dhoom Machale – Dhoom 3

hqdefault16) Rum & Whisky – Vicky Donor 

Honorary Mention: 

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Chaiyya Chaiyya – Dil Se

Nobody remembers the film. I am not being a condescending for saying so but it is true. Dil se had a crappy ending but this song truly lived on until now. Those who were born on 1990-2000 will forever remember how the song swept other countries even Malaysia. My friend and i kept singing Chaiyya Chaiyaa even we did not know what it meant. It was frigging awesome. This was my first encounter of item number that I don’t even realized until now. The dance scene on the train was indeed memorable.